"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
