Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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