Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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