who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
