that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
