for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
