i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
