I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
