Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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