Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
