dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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