the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
