He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
