These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
