Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
