Screwed.edu
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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