Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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