The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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