Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
