when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
