cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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