apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
