So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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