I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
