You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
