chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
