The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
