Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
