he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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