Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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