note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it glows. i had to have it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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