i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
