We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize