Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
