just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
