wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
