If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
