"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
