I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
