I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
