she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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