"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
