we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
