woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
