Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize