Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Two words: blizzard sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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