He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
