Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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