im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize