maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
