Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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