If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
