I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
