I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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