I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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