Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
