when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize