Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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