I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
