I'm going to jail i love you
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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