I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
