Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
