Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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