Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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