This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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