hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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