Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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