he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
