i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
