I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
