He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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