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I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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