i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it hurts more in the daytime
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
